Thanks to a friend? I rather pay the fine. Heh.
Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
11:26 PM
It's official. Prior to the previous entries. I found the answer that i've been searching for. It's not that i'm gay (of course no doubt about it!) nor am i choosy. Ready for this?
*drum rolls*
I'm just not ready to fall. There. It's that simple. Emotion may be easily swayed once someone shows that care and concern that you yearn so much. But i guess the problem is as serious as i thought it to be.
I'M NOT FREAKING READY AND I DON'T KNOW THE HELL WHY. I CAN NO LONGER FALL IN LOVE. AND IT'S REALLY MAKING ME AFRAID OF MYSELF.
I've finally understand all that has been said based on the last few days that had gone by. I am in a really deep shit. No shit about that. Haiz.
Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
11:54 PM
Isit possible to have an emotionless relationship?
To be with someone whom can care for you yet you don't have feelings for but you know it can be nurtured in the later part of the relationship?
Advices greatly appreciated before your's truly make a huge mistake of his life.
Sigh.
Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
2:21 AM
After 3 years and 7 months. I finally gotta admit. I got a huge problem regarding my love life. It's either that i'm turning gay (which i assure you that i'm not, else i will still be attached anyway. phfttt.) or that i'm becoming supa choosy. Or maybe perhaps i'm just not ready at all (but then again i'm sure not everyone who's attached out there is anyway)
I don't know. It's like i wanna be there to take care of that special someone. To make sure everything is going fine in her life. To be her pillars of support. To plant that tender soft kiss before she goes to sleep every night. But the problem now is that everytime i wanna start something with someone, miraculously i will be put off by everything (God knows what!). It's like there's this polarity. Like i'm being repel by a powerful unknown force (i hope it doesn't sound that dramatic now. ish.). It's like i'm drowning in fear. Perhaps it's the long period of singlehood that's making me to push back things. I'm already in my supa comfort zone and i don't know whether i wanna give it up. Will it ever be worth it? Hopelessly i don't have the answer to that.
And maybe i'm just trying too hard to find someone who could fit in the description i'm looking for - sweetsimplekindfilielreligiousindependenthappygoluckyaries(they match well with capris!)
Well that isn't too much to ask right? Not as if i'm asking for a Heidi Klum. I think it's reasonable enough. Heh.
It's like *gulp* 2 1/2 more months before 24 comes knocking on the door and never in my wildest imagination 10 yrs ago that i would think i'm still gonna be single a decade later.
Am i being naive here? Or do i just think too much?
Sigh. I will get back on it some other time.
Back to the cyber world of Onimusha. Get ready to be slayed you genma monsters!
Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
1:43 AM
I went down to Bukit Panjang (or some would call "Long Hill". haha.) just a while ago to go pay some debts (hah!) to the pawnshop. Actually it's my mum's monthly thingy. Just helping her so she won't need to travel all the way there.
And it just happen that someone lives really close to that shop. Someone whose name i won't mention. Really drat going there in the past 'cause i will then have sleepless nights for the next couple of days. Today's visit was somehow better. I saw her flat. And the place where we would always promise to meet up. The usual carpark where i would park. Everything that reminds me of the 'ol time. How it seemed like yesterday that things were so promising. As i make a U-turn and accelerate on my trottle, my back facing her place, it seemed that i've decided to leave the past behind. Leaving everything in the grand 'ol book of memories.
Another chapter closed.
A few days ago, while on the way back from terawih, i reminisced another fateful event.
"..yang..asal lambat sangat..? kan dah dekat nak bang ni..? bus lambat datang tau.."
"sorry la b...i baru abis mandi laaa..hehe" with that cheeky smile on her face.
And we would then just walk back home after prayers (since we live just opposite to each other. heh.). We would then take that chance to just talk. But not before stopping by the coffeeshop to buy a packet of Pepsi. *slurp*
Another chapter closed.
"yang...penat laaaa..angkat i boleh..?"
I would then piggyback her from school all the way back to her house (don't worry it's not that far if you're wondering). She would cooked for me everytime i went down to her place. And her sambal udang is really a killa. I lurveeeeeeeeee so much. Hehe. Her mum told us to get engaged back then. I wasn't ready. She's now married.
Another chapter closed.
So there you go. 3 different person. 3 wonderful person. The love of my life at different point of time. Though the inevitable happened, i cherished them alot, even 'till now. They were the one who taught me about love and life itself.
Why am i even saying all this?
Well. Love is built on memories albeit the good and bad. Not just promises or empty ones if i would say. You go through everyday life together to get to know each other. The bad habits. His/her liking to certain things. Routes taken. That's how you built on your relationship. It's pointless to hold on to something you're not destined to have. To a certain someone out there. Please do understand this. It is just not within my capabilities to work this out.
Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
2:12 PM
After months contemplating whether to change my blogskin, i've finally did! Finally managed to put my I.T skills to some good use. Haha. How? Not that bad huh? Except that my eyes are kinda sore after hours sitting infront of the pc.
Anyway life been kinda hectic the past few weeks. With the COC parade rehearsals and the fasting month here, i didn't have much time for my friends much less for myself. And so im really looking forward to raya this year. Not 'cause of the money (not that i get that much compared to what..10 years back?haha.) but more 'cause i didn't managed to spend it last year 'cause of SISPEC training. Phffttt.
Okla i think i wanna go hit the bed. I got a bad headache la.
Happy break-fast..!
Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
4:44 PM
