Thursday, November 25, 2004

First of all, Ive gotten my results. And yes I passed. For goodness sake, at long last!! Got D+ for IT Security and Infocomm Sys and a D for Java Enterprise. Yeah yeah my grades suck but Im just thankful that Ive graduated. Enough of NYP please for me. After 3 1/2 years, Ive done it! Im jumping for joy. Now the next step is plan out carefully my future.

Paramedics still haven't call me up yet. If shit happens and I don't get in, will then wait for NS which I think will be in March. By the mean time will try to sign on with the Police Force in Jan. Then will try applying for NTU(my mom asked me so!) and SIM, which Zak told me there's a degree in Design Tech. Hmmm..dat sounds interesting to me. I've always wanted to do designing. Programming just doesn't work out for me. I hate it! But short aims first. Gonna shift house first. So got lots of shopping to do. Then going to KL to party on the 16th next month. After that, will be taking my class 2A license in Jan. Next NS will come after that. Whoa. This is so exciting for me. But I do get the feelings of insecurity. I mean, this is my FUTURE we are talking about. I don't wanna screw this up you know..It's finally time to get out of that comfort zone. I'm experiencing something new here. Wish me luck aight.

P.S Gonna take things real slow with Hana. If she's meant to be, she will be the one.

Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
11:19 AM

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Hey there. Today, 13th of Nov 2004 marks the end of the Holy month, Ramadan. It's been a long battle against hunger, lust and temptations. Wonder how i fare in my "report book". Sigh. Timecheck: 441 pm. Few more hours to break fast. And as usual, after Ramadan, is Syawal. Raya time!! Time to meet up with old acquaintances, wear new clothes and stuff ourselves with ketupat and lontong! Haha. This is the part about raya that I miss so much. Going to my grandma's house. Mingle with my young lil cousins. Watching malay variety shows while eating my favourite food cooked by my grandma which is like ohhh so superb. I like..hmmpp. And then that's the morning raya prayers. Didn't get to go last year. Was late 'cos waited for my friend. This year abit special since I be riding for the first time. Simply fabulous.

Neway yesterday had a really good talk with Zak. Was complaining all about Hana and I guess I now know what to do. There are always the pros and cons of life. So here goes the list.

- She thinks I've bad taste in clothing.
- She thinks I'm egoistic.
- She thinks I'm not romantic.
- She thinks I'm not taking initiative.
- She thinks that we are totally different from each other.

- I appreciate that she wanna make me look nice but I can't change my wardrope overnight right? Give me time dear.
- I am egoistic in a way, but I didn't actually realise that when Hajjar told me so.
( I need to be told in a calm way. If not I will only ignore what you're trying to say. Get that Hana? )
- I wanna be romantic but I'm always broke. I know know, whatever you think, money does matter.
- I'm gonna start wearing the pants in our relationship.
- I agree we are totally different but at the end of the day we are still here right? I mean, that matter most right?

Zak always ask me this questions and always everything I couldn't answer without actually thinking for a few minute.

What are the things I love about her?
- I love the way she smile at me.
- I love the way she just look at me.
- I love the way she kisses me.
- I love the way she hugs me.
- I love the way she scold me (It's true! Shows that she care right?).
- I love the way she nags at me.
- I love the way she dress up.
- I love how she smell.
- I love how she laugh.
- I love her hair, be it locks or straight hair. But I think I'm now more attracted to her locks.
Well, people taste does change right dear?
- Whatever it is, I love her just the way she is.

The thing about her is that whatever points she wanna tell me, she will tell me indirectly. I guess this is only good for me since I've been not using my brain for the past few years. Hee. I'm glad that I'm not being myself whenever I'm with her. 'Cos I only realised that me, being myself is real bad. I mean, this are all the lil flaws that is hardly taken notice by me. So I guess there's a purpose of her existance in my life. I keep complaining alot of stuffs about her, but I guess, whatever that she's mad about regarding me, there's always a reason for it. I always keep that in mind but sometimes I would just freak out 'cos I won't know what to anticipate.

I feel now that I can do it. I can make the relationship work out. What Zak says is right. I can't give up now. Not when I've gone thru alot. It will be dumb of me to just let her go. I'm gonna fight for her heart. Gonna try my hardest till the day she says "i love you" to me. That's my wish for now. I must have a positive attitude. Amin, you can do it!!


P.S To all the muslims around the world, I wish you all Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Enjoy this significant time of the year. Take care and remember, don't drink and drive. Hah! Kidding..

Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
5:12 PM

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Yeah yeah, been awhile since i last update my bloggy(hee..). So many things have happen all this while but it's just another of those long-winded story, so i shall just skip all that. Kinda miss Hajjar now. I mean, not that i still have feelings for her, but i just miss being with her. Maybe what my cuz said is right. I can be with Hajjar 'cos she's summisive towards my ohh-so-often-crappy behaviour. Ok ok i fill you in. Just had a so called argument with Hana. Yup yup, me and her, like a "couple but not a couple" now. I dont know about her. Everything that i say, do or wear must have bad points to her. I mean, who the hell does she think she is? Im so frustrated. I know that she meant well, but the thing is that she never ever tried to understand me. Tried explaining nicely to her but fell on deaf ears. Seriously i always think what the hell am i wasting my time on her. She's like the most vicious woman i've ever met. But at the end of the day, i'm still stuck here, chldn't leave. I wonder why. Hmmm..Help me.

3 months now i've know her and during this point of time, i've learn that my patience is getting better and better. I mean, to actually be with someone with her, you must be extremely patient. I wonder till when i can be this way. She is sometimes just so impossible to reason things out. And i think now my cuz and her bf is starting to dislike her. I can understand why. She just doesn't mind the words that she said. Haizzzz...i really do miss Hajjar right now. In this cold and lonely night. Feel like hugging her. Somebody cure me of this pain. But whatever it is, i know whatever happen today, tomorrow will be a better day. Thank Raudhah for telling me that. It does help to a certain extent. I'm just gonna sleep through tonight and i know i will feel much better tomorrow. Well i hope so. I really do.

Well at least i know i can be enthusiastic over something. School over! For good. Well, that depends on my exam results but seriously, i don't wanna repeat any modules already. I mean, 3 1/2 years in schoo is enough for me. Just wait Zak, I'm gonna get out of the grave freely. No more legs stuck in it. Hmmpf! Can't wait though to start National Service(NS). It's about time i think. Paramedic haven't call me up for any interview. Was just thinking if i indeed don't get the job, gonna finish 2 years of NS and further my studies at Monash U in Australia. Feel like running away from Singapore for a few years. Running away from all the people. I know that will make me feel good. Then shame on you people who took me for granted.

Just came back from town. Went out with my cuzs to break fast at Puncak. Been awhile since we last slack together.Wait for Horseyboy..opps i mean Faisal at BK liat towers and then took the last train home. Am so tired and sleepy now but i'm so used of sleeping after sahur that i don't actually feel like sleeping now. Feel it's still kinda early. Tommorow going geylang serai with the guys at night. Gosh time fly by so fast. Next weekend is raya. Hooray! Can't wait though to enjoy the festive mood but pretty sad that the Holy month of Ramadhan is ending. Wonder if i could meet this month again. This raya, gonna spend it in a simple way. Not buying any clothes at all except baju kurung. Don't feel like it since i'm going in hell soon..i mean..NS..hee. Gonna stop now. Wanna try to do any better things to do. Hah.

P.S Life been really a roller-coaster so far. But so far now, been much of downwards rather than up. Sigh.

Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
2:12 AM