Wednesday, January 19, 2005
I am extremely confused right now.
She's starting to give me the cold shoulder again. I somehow feel that i'm being made a mockery of. Whenever she needs someone to be there for her, she would be nice to me, whenever she don't, she would just shove me aside. I feel, correction, i
know that she likes
him alot. That she really misses him, that she really wanna be with him. But 'bcos he didn't show that he do wanna be with her (eventhough he loves to), i guess she have no choice but to turn to me. I hate it. I mean, if you really wanna be with him, then go ahead. Make the first move, it doesn't really matter right? I'm not gonna cry my heart out that you gonna leave me. Though i will be sad, but i'm gonna wish you all the best. It's only my wish to see you happy. What's the use of you hanging on to me when you know that every effort i've made all this while doesn't mean a thing to you. Go on, i can still be your friend. It's not that i'm gonna leave the country or go somewhere real far. Just don't give me hope when you don't mean it. It really hurt alot. I don't wanna whine alot. I'm 22. I'm not supposed to mourn over something like this. This happen only during the teenage years. But somehow, i feel like i'm being suck into a blackhole. It's just impossible to get out of it.
You would always scold me whenever i lie. Even if it's a white lie. But now, it's clear that you are lying to me. "
I just wanted you to tell me the truth, You know I'd do that for you". Hana, if only you would know how agonizing it is to not think about this even for a day, maybe you would understand the pain i'm going through. I pity my cousin. He's always there for me when i feel shit. I know it's not nice to burden other people with your problems but somehow i just feel i need to let go of things. To have a listening ear. Alot of people have told me to forget about her. She just ain't worth all the worries and troubles. But i love her too much. They just don't understand or maybe they just wanna convinced me of the harsh truth. I wanna fight till the end. But i just feel that i'm fighting a losing battle. She just won't open up her feelings to me. What she thinks of me and "us". And now i seriously don't know what to do. But one thing i've decided is to lay down low for the time being. Not gonna call or meet her. I just hope that she won't get the idea that i'm giving up or whatsoever. I really wanna be with her but i guess i just need the time to compose myself. To put sense into myself. To do some soul-searching. I hope i would be fine. But somehow i know i won't. Damn.
Greenday - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
I really love this song. The lyrics are so meaningful to me. It does mean something in my life right now.
PS. "
Pulling myself back with every words that you said. Could it be all lies?"
Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
1:14 AM
