Sunday, December 12, 2004

Hana says "he only loves you when you're gone."

That's what she wrote at her link to me in EC now.

It's over. Game over. She's gone, for good. Leaving me looking like a fool again. Damn i hate the feeling in me right now. Was waiting for Zak just now. Was thinking about her and suddenly my eyes just get watery. I then realised i miss her. So much. But if this is the decision that she has made, then i shall respect it. It's hard. Losing someone you love so much is always hard. But i got no choice but to leave. There's only so much that i can do on my part. Gonna meet her in a few weeks to come, right after i'm back from KL, to take my sweater from her. I've always think that the moment i would take back my sweater will be the last time i will ever meet her. Gonna buy her a diamond ring soon. Wanna give her as a parting gift. Another first by me. Was planning it to hide it underneath a teddy bear or something. Bet she would be surprised. Touched? I don't know. I don't even know why i'm doing all this. Haiz. The true significance of her leaving only prove it that i'm still a loser in love. I shall always be. I'm gutted that this has to happen to me. Just when i had open up my heart to someone, she just have to break it to pieces. I'm so sick. Keep thinking about her day and night. Wonder how long i can put up the craziness in me right now. Hana, if only you could read this, I miss you so much. Tried as much i keep myself busy, you will still be there on my mind. I love you. Please give me a chance to make things right. Though i know that chance will never come to me again. Been waiting by my phone everyday. Waiting for her call/message. But it never came. I know i should move on, but i don't wanna stop thinking about her. She's the best that have ever happen to me. I'm simply into her. God, please help me. No words could describe the feelings in me right now. Doubt people would ever understand what i'm going through. Will just keep a strong front. I got no choice.

Finally, been able to settle down at my new place. Been quite hectic this past few days with cleaning up the house, etc. Imagine living without the TV, internet access, phone lines, newspaper. Life like in the caveman era. Damn, someone tell me not to take these things for granted again.

PS. Hana, I love you from the bottom of my heart. You're the best that have happen to me. Thanks for all the time together. I will cherish every single moment i've spent with you. Will never ever forget you. Take care. Will be missing you so much.

*Barry Manilow - Somewhere Down The Road*

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside
I wouldn't have you for a long time

Those dreams of yours
Are shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away
I have no right to make you stay,

But Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours will come to see
That you belong with me

Sometimes goodbyes are not forever
It doesn't matter if you're gone
I still believe in us together I understand more than you think I can
You have to go out on your own
So you can find your way back home

* And Somewhere down the road

Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Maybe we've only just begun
Maybe the best is yet to come

* Cause Somewhere down the road

Mister Turtle urge you to join the mutant war!!!
5:08 AM